No Regrets

I was 24 years old and had just been promoted to a position at my job that I didn’t have the education for. I had studied and taught myself skills to better my work and caught the attention of the president and vice president of the company. When they brought me into their office, the vice president told me that she wanted to groom me to take her place in the company. She was overseer of the quality department. They were heading towards retirement and wanted to start thinking about the future of the company.  This was a very big deal for me. The job came with a big wage increase and promises of a lasting career. Shortly after I received the job, I found out that I was pregnant. I think I sat on the toilet forever in disbelief staring at the pregnancy stick. I had just come back from Puerto Rico with the president of the company viewing one of our customer’s quality department. I was already scheduled to go to San Diego. How did this happen? Well for one, this was before salvation so I was living a life of sin. I was on birth control, but had switched to a new brand. I was with someone who we talked about marriage but we had a lot of issues. This was definitely going to change my life. I was in denial and didn’t tell anyone for about 3 months (including the father). The time had come to tell my boss. I called a meeting with her and revealed my news. She sat across from me at her desk and begged me to have an abortion. She shared the story of how having her children ruined her life and she had to give up her dreams. I sat in disbelief as she went on. I knew her 2 sons and wondered if they knew how she felt. I left work that day crying and devastated. I knew that I would be tormented forever if I chose to abort. I listened to Lauryn Hill’s song “To Zion” over and over crying about what my boss wanted me to do. The song is about everyone telling her to have an abortion but she chose to keep her baby and now her son was her joy. He was a gift from God to her. I am not condemning those who have had an abortion. The blood of Jesus covers All sin when you come to him with repentance. That was just something I knew I couldn’t do. The truth is that I was on a path of self destruction. Although I had a good job, I was selfish, empty and cold. I lacked compassion and made many bad decisions often concerning relationships. I was depressed and drank, smoked and partied to mask the pain. God used this pregnancy to slow me down. Having my baby did change my life. God used her to soften me. She gave me a reason to live. She made me make decisions according to how it would affect us. I had a purpose and she had a purpose. She is 15 now and I can’t imagine my life without her. It has been trial and error. We’ve been through many tests and trials, but God used her to grow me and make me a better person. He used her to save me from myself until I surrendered myself to Him. God uses our choices. We don’t always make the right ones but if we let Him in, He will work them out for our good. Be encouraged in wherever you are at today. God is with you. He is with your children. He wants to give you joy, peace, love, and everlasting life. Your past is not important to Him. It’s your future He wants. Give it All to Him and watch Him use it for your good.

Romans 5:8
But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ dies for us.

Romans 8:28
And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.

​Father we thank You for Your saving grace. Thank You that You died for us even in our sin. Forgive us for dwelling on our past in regret instead of looking to our future and the purpose that You have called us to. Thank You for our children and the ways they have made us better people. Help us never look at them as a hindrance to our success but a tool to prepare us for our purpose. Bless them and cover them as they grow to make their own decisions. In Jesus’ name we pray. Amen!