When we become frustrated with ourselves, it is so easy to see all of our spouse’s flaws. We can dissect them and recognize root causes and generational curses, while our stuff sits deep in our souls waiting for the perfect opportunity to manifest. They always seem to explode out of nowhere after festering for a while. It’s always the littlest thing. We let things build up ignoring the pile until one day, boom, the straw that breaks the camel’s back!
Do Not Judge
7 “Judge not, that you be not judged. 2 For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you. 3 And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? 4 Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye’; and look, a plank is in your own eye? 5 Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.
It’s not that we can’t help remove the speck, but we first have to be sure that our eyes are clean and clear! When we feel ourselves rising to the occasion to add to foolishness, we must first evaluate our response. Responding in our own dysfunction will only cause the speck in their eye to go deeper and splinter the vision of our spouse. A hard response will distort their vision and even if we are right, they won’t be able to get past their scarred vision looking at our flawed eyes!
The key is to take care of our self first. After all, this is a fruit of the spirit (self-control Galatians 5:23). This means checking ourselves; our response, attitudes, words, motives, and filters. Once we evaluate these things, we may calmly approach our spouse in love by the leading of the Holy Spirit.
This may seem like a long process, but it can all happen in moments. If we surrender to the Holy Spirit, He will immediately convict us, search us, and draw us to repentance. It will only be a long process if we are being hard- headed and rebellious.
People are watching us. Some people are cheering us on and looking for an example. Others want us to fail so that they can say I knew their God wasn’t real. It is our responsibility as believers to show the love of God to everyone, but it must first start at home!
1 John 4:11-12 (NKJV)
11 Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.
Seeing God Through Love
12 No one has seen God at any time. If we love one another, God abides in us, and His love has been perfected in us.
We love our spouse regardless of their flaws and help them along the way as they help us. Let’s not be hypocrites. Let’s continue to bring our flesh to the Lord as we seek to be perfected in His love.
Father, we thank You for marriage. We thank You that You have given us a companion to enjoy our journey through our purpose. Forgive us for trying to fix our spouse before looking in the mirror. We realize we are far from perfection and want people to see God’s love when looking at us. Help us use self control and seek deliverance in areas that challenge us. Make us clean so that when our spouse does fall short, we can help them in love and not bitterness. We want our marriage to be an example that gives You glory and draws people close to Your presence. In Jesus’ name we pray. Amen!