I imagine him like a quarterback walking through the door. He has the ball and everyone wants it. He decides to run instead of pass, but the other players try to take him down. By the time that he makes it to me (usually finishing dinner in the kitchen,) He has two babies in his arms, one holding his leg, and two more at his ears. The spotlight is on him and suddenly I become invisible (accept when I go to the bathroom. They always follow me there!).
We have tried to follow the model: God first, spouse second, kids third, job fourth and everything else last. This is the way our heart posture should be, even if circumstances cause us to look differently. The truth is that the children “need” to experience love and attention from their daddy. This will help them understand the love of their Daddy God as they get older. Although I want my husband’s attention, I know God’s love for me and cannot get bitter trying to make my husband be what God is supposed to be to me.
Having children in a marriage is a season. They will quickly grow up into adults using what we have imparted into them as a tool to make their own decisions. Having children is a blessing, but changes the dynamics of our marriages.
Ecclesiastes 3:1 (NKJV)
Everything Has Its Time
3 To everything there is a season,
A time for every purpose under heaven:
Being a stay at home mom can feel lonely at times, leaving us thirsty for adult interaction and grown up attention. Even when out and about with the kids, everyone always acknowledges them first! This also affects our husbands. The spontaneity that once existed is now overtaken with schedules and clingy babies. We must learn to enjoy the time we get alone with our spouse and intentionally affirm our unconditional love. We have to find creative ways to keep our covenant love a priority. Loneliness stems from thoughts that come from the devil. God is always with us and we are never alone! When we do things for Him, then our thoughts change.
Proverbs 16:3 (NKJV)
3 Commit your works to the Lord,
And your thoughts will be established.
He might not be able to get to me until the fourth down, but when he does, I need to be in the end zone expecting a touch down! He has to be intentional about getting to me, and I can’t give up before the fourth quarter. In the meantime, we must enjoy the game and let the kids run the halftime show. I might seem invisible now, but when I catch that final play, I become the MVP!
The point is, not to let the children define your marriage. Work as a team and understand your season. Sometimes, we get tackled. Sometimes, we drop the ball. Sometimes, we completely miss! Stay in the game. Let God’s Word be your playbook. Know your position on the team. You are not invisible. God sees every effort and has strategically positioned you to win.
11 I returned and saw under the sun that--
The race is not to the swift,
Nor the battle to the strong,
Nor bread to the wise,
Nor riches to men of understanding,
Nor favor to men of skill;
But time and chance happen to them all.
Circumstances are always changing and we can do nothing in our own strength. Our efforts are subject to time and chance, but God will cause us to be victorious if we trust in Him.
Father, we thank for our marriages. Forgive us for not always putting You first. Forgive us for being selfish and letting thoughts of loneliness creep in. You are always with us. When we keep You first, we know that everything else falls in order. We know our children are a blessing and not a hindrance to our marriages. Keep us focused on the end result. Give us creative ways to find quality time to spend with our spouse. Help us be strategic and intentional about submitting to one another in love. We give You glory and praise for our covenant. In Jesus’ name we pray. Amen!