Matthew 18:15-16 (KJV)
15 Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.
16 But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.
You are to go to them alone first and communicate in love about the issue. If they refuse to acknowledge that there is a problem, then you will have to get a person that you both trust (a wise counselor) and have them come and help you work things out. I like the way the Message version puts it.
Matthew 18:15-16 (MSG)
15-17 “If a fellow believer hurts you, go and tell him—work it out between the two of you. If he listens, you’ve made a friend. If he won’t listen, take one or two others along so that the presence of witnesses will keep things honest, and try again. If he still won’t listen, tell the church. If he won’t listen to the church, you’ll have to start over from scratch, confront him with the need for repentance, and offer again God’s forgiving love
It says that the presence of witnesses will keep you honest. A good friend of mine (a wise counselor) always says there are three sides to a story; yours, mine, and the truth. We all perceive things differently and filter things through our past experiences. Just because we perceive things a certain way, doesn’t make it reality. That’s why we must be transformed by the renewing of our minds. We want to filter things according to God’s Word. Most of the time, there is no need to bring in a third party. We have a tendency to blow things out of proportion in our heads, but once it is exposed it usually can be easily rectified.
And Jesus knew their thoughts, and said unto them, Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation; and every city or house divided against itself shall not stand:
The devil knows this scripture well. If he can keep you divided in your marriage, then it will surely fail. Chaos brings destruction but unity will bring peace. As individuals created uniquely, we will never fully do things and process things the same. We can come to an agreement and understanding of one another that will give us peace and respect for each other.
Amos 3:3 (NKJV)
3 Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?
We have to learn in marriage to agree so that we can walk together in every situation. Clear communication will bring agreement. The only way to truly understand one another is to express what we are feeling and why we are responding the way we do. We have to communicate in love and as often as time allows. If we wait for things to build up then things are bound to blow out of proportion. God honors marriage and wants us to succeed. When you find yourself frustrated, bring it to the Lord. He will surely help you!
Father, we thank you that you honor marriage. Thank you for our spouse and the love that you have joined together. We are not perfect and desire to live our marriages according to Your Word. Forgive us for not communicating well and holding on to offenses instead of bringing them to our spouse. Help us be open and honest with each other in every situation. Show us the places in our hearts that cause us to respond inappropriately. Teach us the proper way to handle every situation to keep unity in our homes. We bind up division and disagreement and loose agreement and unity. We want our marriage to succeed and be an example of Your love. In Jesus’ name we pray. Amen!